Getting excited!

Had a good visit with Cindy this morning, we are both getting very excited for our trip to the East Coast. It's always fun to go somewhere with someone for their first time. Makes you see things in a completely different light.

Talked with Alissa last night, I think she is excited about our visit as well. This makes 4 months in a row that I will have seen her!! That is a pretty big deal, considering there have been times when I didn't see her for 7-8 months!!

Kari called today, she is in Texas on business. We didn't get to talk very long, she was waiting for a flight from Corpus to Dallas. I know she will have fun showing her friends around her old stomping grounds tonight.

Kaci is MIA this week, she has been very busy with lots of party planning. That child works entirely too hard!!! But I am proud of all she is accomplishing. How many single women can buy a house at 22?? She just traded in her Camaro for a 4Runner, her first time to buy a car all by herself. She took very good care of the Camaro we bought her for her 16th birthday, drove it almost 9 years!! She is a very smart girl and I am so proud of her!!

Ok, back to what I need to be doing for now.

Happy Birthday Little Brother!!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful little brother Douglas!! I can't believe it has been 40 years since you came into my life. I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished. You are a good man, husband and father. I hope you have a day as wonderful as you are and that you make some lasting memories.

Love,

Sis

What to do?

There is so much I should be doing. How do I motivate myself? That has always been a problem for me. For sure not a self motivated person. I have to be pushed constantly. If there isn't a deadline, well, it can just wait. If I know something has to be done, man can I work and get it done. But if not, eh, it will still be there tomorrow, the next day, the next month, whatever.

I have to get things ready for our trip to Boston and NYC. But I know me and I will be packing, cleaning and running around like crazy the night before I leave. I guess my thinking is, why do today, what you can put off till tomorrow? : )

We had a pretty uneventful 4 day weekend. Friday, went to Jeff's house, cemetery, Lake Tenkiller, dinner at the Princess Drive In (trip down memory lane for Ed) and then home. Saturday, drove to Bentonville for a motorcycle show ( I got a necklace, bracelet and ankle bracelet, all magnetic and supposed to be good for what ails you) , didn't get any motorcycle stuff, had lunch and then back home. Sunday and Monday just hung out at home, did some projects and spent far too much time on the computer. Read some amazing blogs, can't imagine what these families are enduring, so thankful for my healthy children and hopefully someday, healthy grandchildren. It is so easy to take that all for granted.

Tomorrow is my baby brother's 40th birthday. I just can't believe it has been that many years since he came into my life. I was 10, almost 11 when he was born and I thought he was my very own live baby doll. At one time, he called me Moma and I loved it. Now I am a surrogate Nonnie to his children, since our Mom is gone. I don't get to see any of them very often, but hopefully since the kids are moving back to OKC from Vegas, we will get to see them more.
Happy Birthday little brother, love you bunches, your Sis.

Windy Wednesday

Well, today is yet another crazy weather day. The last two days have been very cool and rainy and today is going to be hot, humid and windy! One day we need the heat and the next we need the ac. Gotta love Spring!!

We went to OKC Friday to help Kaci with the purchase of her new car. We had dinner at one of her favorite pizza places that night and the next day she and Ed spent the entire day shopping for her car. They had several appointments and ended up going back to the first one and she bought the car. It is a 2009 Toyota 4Runner, Galactic Gray and she is very happy. They didn't actually have the car, it had to be brought up from Texas we think. So she didn't get to drive it home until Tuesday. But they took her car as a trade in and gave her a Yaris to drive until hers came in. It was very emotional seeing her drive that car back in and the red Camaro gone for good. We bought all three girls a new Camaro when they turned 16 and Kaci was the only one still driving her car. We actually still have Alissa's, we bought it back from her when she moved to Boston. But it looks like we are going to sell it soon. And of course Kari's car was wrecked by Kaci, so it has been long gone. Kari is still driving the Corvette we bought her to replace the Camaro, so I guess we still have that connection. But who knows how much longer she will keep it. Especially when they start having children. A two seater is not exactly child friendly. Oh well, just me being overly sentimental.

We spent Saturday night with Kaci and got PF Changs takeout and watched the race. We left Sunday around noon to drive home. It was Mother's Day and at least I was able to spend part of it with one of my girls. When we got home, their was a package from Kari, with 2 frames filled with pictures of our Cali trip, some notecards, post it's and memo pad. The card was so funny. Kaci gave me a very sweet card as well and of course my trip to see The Lion King was her gift to me. Alissa is of course my child, so no card or gift.... yet. : ) But then she is still waiting on her anniversary card from me......

I bought tickets to see Wicked for Lovella, Kaci and me to go and see for their birthday's. We splurged and got really good seats, probably shouldn't have, but oh well..... We go on the 29th of July and then we will leave on the 30th to head to Santa Fe for Somer's wedding. Going to be a busy summer.

Oh, almost forgot this. My dad is moving back to Oklahoma!! I had suspected for a while he was considering it, but he finally told me he was doing it. I guess he and Jeff have been planning it for awhile now, they just didn't tell me. Oh well, at least he is getting closer. It hurts a little that he doesn't want to come and live with us, but hey, what can you do. It is probably for the best anyway.

We had Lyndsey and Jarrod over for Taco Tuesday last night. It was nice to visit with them and hear about the baby. They find out on Monday if it's a boy or girl. Lyndsey really thinks it's a girl and I have to agree with her. She is really starting to get a baby bump and she says the baby is moving a lot. I miss all that...... Even tho it has been 25 years and I won't ever have that feeling again, I can still remember what it's like and it makes me sad to know that part of my life is over. It has been over for a very long time, but I guess the realization is just a little hard to take. Guess that is part of Life after 50.......

Rainy Sunday, Lazy Day

I don't think there is anything more perfect than a rainy, lazy Sunday. The rain is so relaxing and encourages you to just take it easy and enjoy the day the Lord made. It just makes you want to slow down and appreciate things, rather than rush around like crazy trying to get everything accomplished. Not that my life is that crazy anymore, but I still appreciate these days and enjoy them immensely.

Ed took off at noon on Friday and we drove to Northwest Arkansas to look at yet another motorcycle. We met Bob and Liz there and she and I spent several hours talking while Bob and Ed contemplated all the different bikes and options. We finally were able to drag them out of there and went our seperate ways, Bob and Liz to Eureka Springs and us to Tulsa. We met Ed's parents for dinner and then went back to their house to spend the night. It's getting more and more obvious every day how much they are both aging. I think Ed is finally seeing it as well, he keeps saying we have to get up there more often and spend more time with them. I'm glad he sees it and wants to go more often. I don't want him to regret not spending time with them when they are gone. I know all too well what that feels like.

We met Donald at Mamadou's for breakfast and then Lovella and I went to visit with Gladys for a while. It breaks my heart to see her the way she is now, but it means so much to her for us to visit. She surprised me while we were there, by telling me that a favorite painting of hers will be mine one day. I have admired it for years and it means so much to me that she wants me to have it one day. She is such a sweet lady and has been wonderful to me ever since I became a part of this family. I just can't help remembering her in her prime and that is why it hurts so much to see her now.

Lovella is ready to do some remodeling, so we went to Lowe's and picked up a book on bathrooms. They really need to do something to prepare their home in case one or both of them end up in a wheelchair. It most likely will be Donald, but with the problems she is having, it could be her as well. Their home is definitely not handicap friendly, so their will be a lot to do.

Ed and I left around 1 and went to at least 3 more motorcycle shops. I swear, he has motorcyles on the brain!! I just wish he would make up his mind and buy something. I really don't want him to buy a new bike, but he does need a new helmet and jacket before the June ride. Hopefully he will find what he wants soon.....

We had a really good dinner, Los Cabos in Broken Arrow. Probably the best Mexican we have had outside of Texas. Fort Smith is for sure lacking in that department. Hopefully with more growth, better restaurants will come in. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she??

I have to tell a funny story on Ed. His family is notorious for mispronouncing words and getting things confused. So yesterday as we are leaving the Harley store in Tulsa, he remarks " I thought they were having a "Pico de Gallo" celebration today". Now I of course cannot contain myself and burst out laughing. He obviously meant to say Cinco de Mayo. I just cracked up couldn't wait to tell the girls his latest. It has to rank right up there with my Mom's "organism". I told the girls they have to remember it and tell it at his funeral!!

April 8, 2009

I have so many emotions swirling through me right now. I can't seem to find the words to really express all that I am feeling. I have gotten some very good news about family and friends who are having health issues and am feeling so thankful for that. My Aunt Phyllis had surgery yesterday to remove her gallbladder. This normally wouldn't be a big deal, but she had her second bypass surgery just 5 months ago, so we of course were concerned about her having this surgery so soon. Also, she has been diagnosed with COPD and emphysema, so anesthesia is a concern. The good news is, she came through everything with flying colors and will be going home today. When I spoke with her this morning, we talked about how nervous we both were going into our gall bladder surgeries. You see, my mother went in for what we thought was routine gall bladder surgery and they found the cancer that had started in her lungs and spread to her liver and other organs. That was March 13, 2002. I will never forget standing in the waiting room with my dad when the Dr. came in to tell us about the surgery. We were expecting a good report, so when he started telling us what he found, it was like I was in a fog and couldn't really understand what he was saying. I do remember asking why we couldn't do a liver transplant, I had heard that the liver regenerates, so I foolishly said she could have part of mine. He told us that wasn't an option, the cancer was too widespread. It was small cell lung cancer and the prognosis wasn't good. I will never forget turning to my dad after the Dr. left the room and he wasn't there beside me anymore. I looked and he was all the way across the room in the corner. I went to him and we just held on to each other and cried.
All of these things were going through my mind as I prepared for my surgery in February. I worried because no one was going to be here for Ed and if things didn't go well, he wouldn't have anyone to hold on to. And Aunt Phyllis was thinking the same things as she went to surgery yesterday. But thank the good Lord, we didn't have to face that, nor did our families. My Aunt Phyllis is very important to me, she is my Mom's baby sister and was there with me in the hospital for my Mom's last 6 weeks of life. We slept in recliners, ate take out food, rubbed lotion on my Mom's feet, laughed, cried, prayed and held on to each other as my Mom slipped away from us. I am so thankful she was there, I don't know if I could have made it through that time without her. So today, I am so very thankful she is okay and God wasn't ready for her yet.

My very dear friend Cindy called last night to tell me her cousin Lisa had finally woken up!! Lisa was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis on March 28th and has been unconscious since then. She has had many ups and downs over the past week and a half and finally last night woke up. I don't have many more details right now, hopefully Cindy will call me soon and tell me more. Just so very thankful for this good news.

I spent the better part of yesterday reading the blog Bring the Rain. Thank you Mary for posting the link for this site. I laughed, cried and couldn't stop reading. This family's story is so touching and inspiring. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the birth and death of Audrey Caroline, their baby daughter. While I haven't been through what they have, I know the pain of loss and how important those anniversary dates are. March 13th and September 25th are mine right now. The date we found out about my mother's cancer and the date she died. We only had six months with her after the diagnosis and it just wasn't enough time. There are so many things I wish I had said and done before we lost her. I try not to dwell on it, but some days are just so much harder than others. It has been almost 7 years since Mom died and I honestly think I miss her more today than ever. April 5th would have been her 68th birthday, she was only 61 when she died and that is just too young. Her heart was so very strong and she should have lived a very long time. If it weren't for the cancer, I have no doubt she would have been with us many more years. Her oldest sister, my Aunt Inez, will be 92 this year and she is no where near ready for the rocking chair!! Rocking yes, but not in a chair!! I hope I am just like her when I grow up.

Wow, I didn't mean for this to be so long today, guess I needed to get more out than I thought. Maybe I just need to write smaller posts more often, instead of novels each time!!

Rainy days

I love rainy days. I get that from my mother. She loved nothing more than a nice rainy day and ignoring all that needed to be done. People tell me more and more how much like my mother I am. I can see some things, rainy days, our backwards body clocks (doing our best work at 11pm not 11am), our desire to help others in whatever way we can, things like that. But in so many ways we were very different. Mom needed to work for her fulfillment and I have always wanted to be at home with my children. Don't get me wrong, there is real satisfaction in working outside the home and bringing home a paycheck. I just happen to get my satisfaction from my children. Mom always worked and I guess I felt she really wasn't there for me in a way that I needed. So, I went to the exact opposite extreme and determined to always be there for my girls if at all possible. I can't really say what's best, I just know what was best for me. I wanted to always make sure my children weren't the last picked up or had to ask for rides from all the children whose parents were more involved. I am certainly not saying I was a better mother for my efforts, just the kind of mother I wanted to be. Every one has to do what is best for their situation. My mom wasn't happy being a stay at home mom. It just wasn't enough for her. But she was the very best Oncology Nurse you could ever hope to have. I always knew she was good at what she did, but it wasn't until she was in the hospital and dying that I found out just how amazing she really was. So many nurses she had worked with and trained came to see us during her last hospital stay. Each and every one told me that Mom was a "Nurses Nurse", she was the one you wanted caring for your loved one when they were dying from this horrible disease. It was so uplifting to hear them talk about my Mom this way. I loved hearing all the stories they shared about their time working with Mom. It made that last 6 weeks in the hospital a little more bearable. So, even though she may not have been the Mom I thought I wanted while I was growing up, I know she made a huge difference in the lives of so many people and that is a wonderful legacy to leave.
This Sunday, April 5th would have been my mother's 68th birthday. I can't believe it has been almost 7 years since I was last able to wish her Happy Birthday. Although I usually go to the cemetery on her birthday and put yellow roses in the vases on her headstone. It's all I can do, other than try my hardest to try and live up to her expectations of me and be the kind of daughter she would have been proud of. I try every day and most days fall short, but I will keep trying and proudly say "Thank You" when someone is kind enough to say I remind them of my Mom, Wilma Ruth Pollard Hall. I love you Mom and I miss you so very much.