April 8, 2009

I have so many emotions swirling through me right now. I can't seem to find the words to really express all that I am feeling. I have gotten some very good news about family and friends who are having health issues and am feeling so thankful for that. My Aunt Phyllis had surgery yesterday to remove her gallbladder. This normally wouldn't be a big deal, but she had her second bypass surgery just 5 months ago, so we of course were concerned about her having this surgery so soon. Also, she has been diagnosed with COPD and emphysema, so anesthesia is a concern. The good news is, she came through everything with flying colors and will be going home today. When I spoke with her this morning, we talked about how nervous we both were going into our gall bladder surgeries. You see, my mother went in for what we thought was routine gall bladder surgery and they found the cancer that had started in her lungs and spread to her liver and other organs. That was March 13, 2002. I will never forget standing in the waiting room with my dad when the Dr. came in to tell us about the surgery. We were expecting a good report, so when he started telling us what he found, it was like I was in a fog and couldn't really understand what he was saying. I do remember asking why we couldn't do a liver transplant, I had heard that the liver regenerates, so I foolishly said she could have part of mine. He told us that wasn't an option, the cancer was too widespread. It was small cell lung cancer and the prognosis wasn't good. I will never forget turning to my dad after the Dr. left the room and he wasn't there beside me anymore. I looked and he was all the way across the room in the corner. I went to him and we just held on to each other and cried.
All of these things were going through my mind as I prepared for my surgery in February. I worried because no one was going to be here for Ed and if things didn't go well, he wouldn't have anyone to hold on to. And Aunt Phyllis was thinking the same things as she went to surgery yesterday. But thank the good Lord, we didn't have to face that, nor did our families. My Aunt Phyllis is very important to me, she is my Mom's baby sister and was there with me in the hospital for my Mom's last 6 weeks of life. We slept in recliners, ate take out food, rubbed lotion on my Mom's feet, laughed, cried, prayed and held on to each other as my Mom slipped away from us. I am so thankful she was there, I don't know if I could have made it through that time without her. So today, I am so very thankful she is okay and God wasn't ready for her yet.

My very dear friend Cindy called last night to tell me her cousin Lisa had finally woken up!! Lisa was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis on March 28th and has been unconscious since then. She has had many ups and downs over the past week and a half and finally last night woke up. I don't have many more details right now, hopefully Cindy will call me soon and tell me more. Just so very thankful for this good news.

I spent the better part of yesterday reading the blog Bring the Rain. Thank you Mary for posting the link for this site. I laughed, cried and couldn't stop reading. This family's story is so touching and inspiring. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the birth and death of Audrey Caroline, their baby daughter. While I haven't been through what they have, I know the pain of loss and how important those anniversary dates are. March 13th and September 25th are mine right now. The date we found out about my mother's cancer and the date she died. We only had six months with her after the diagnosis and it just wasn't enough time. There are so many things I wish I had said and done before we lost her. I try not to dwell on it, but some days are just so much harder than others. It has been almost 7 years since Mom died and I honestly think I miss her more today than ever. April 5th would have been her 68th birthday, she was only 61 when she died and that is just too young. Her heart was so very strong and she should have lived a very long time. If it weren't for the cancer, I have no doubt she would have been with us many more years. Her oldest sister, my Aunt Inez, will be 92 this year and she is no where near ready for the rocking chair!! Rocking yes, but not in a chair!! I hope I am just like her when I grow up.

Wow, I didn't mean for this to be so long today, guess I needed to get more out than I thought. Maybe I just need to write smaller posts more often, instead of novels each time!!