Rainy days

I love rainy days. I get that from my mother. She loved nothing more than a nice rainy day and ignoring all that needed to be done. People tell me more and more how much like my mother I am. I can see some things, rainy days, our backwards body clocks (doing our best work at 11pm not 11am), our desire to help others in whatever way we can, things like that. But in so many ways we were very different. Mom needed to work for her fulfillment and I have always wanted to be at home with my children. Don't get me wrong, there is real satisfaction in working outside the home and bringing home a paycheck. I just happen to get my satisfaction from my children. Mom always worked and I guess I felt she really wasn't there for me in a way that I needed. So, I went to the exact opposite extreme and determined to always be there for my girls if at all possible. I can't really say what's best, I just know what was best for me. I wanted to always make sure my children weren't the last picked up or had to ask for rides from all the children whose parents were more involved. I am certainly not saying I was a better mother for my efforts, just the kind of mother I wanted to be. Every one has to do what is best for their situation. My mom wasn't happy being a stay at home mom. It just wasn't enough for her. But she was the very best Oncology Nurse you could ever hope to have. I always knew she was good at what she did, but it wasn't until she was in the hospital and dying that I found out just how amazing she really was. So many nurses she had worked with and trained came to see us during her last hospital stay. Each and every one told me that Mom was a "Nurses Nurse", she was the one you wanted caring for your loved one when they were dying from this horrible disease. It was so uplifting to hear them talk about my Mom this way. I loved hearing all the stories they shared about their time working with Mom. It made that last 6 weeks in the hospital a little more bearable. So, even though she may not have been the Mom I thought I wanted while I was growing up, I know she made a huge difference in the lives of so many people and that is a wonderful legacy to leave.
This Sunday, April 5th would have been my mother's 68th birthday. I can't believe it has been almost 7 years since I was last able to wish her Happy Birthday. Although I usually go to the cemetery on her birthday and put yellow roses in the vases on her headstone. It's all I can do, other than try my hardest to try and live up to her expectations of me and be the kind of daughter she would have been proud of. I try every day and most days fall short, but I will keep trying and proudly say "Thank You" when someone is kind enough to say I remind them of my Mom, Wilma Ruth Pollard Hall. I love you Mom and I miss you so very much.