It's Lupus...

These are the words I heard. Over the last year and a half I have heard rosacea, eczema, lets do a biopsy, possible lupus, appears to be lupus, let's draw some blood, let's draw some more blood, some tests are positive for lupus, but not conclusive, you need to see a Rheumatologist, cutaneous lupus, let's draw some more blood...

And today, it was Systemic Lupus..

I couldn't breathe, couldn't think to ask questions, just said thank you and hung up.

Then I think I had my first panic attack.

There may be more...

But it explains so much of the way I have been feeling for almost 2 years now. While I am glad to have an answer, it is really not the answer I wanted to hear. But really, does anyone want to hear this kind of thing?

When I had calmed down, I wrote down some questions, called the Dr. back and felt much better after I had some answers. Here are a few of them.

There is no cure, but with treatment I should be able to live with it.

I won't be sunbathing any time soon. I have always known the sun was bad for me, but now it is really bad for me.

I am going to have to adapt to taking medication, every day and on time. Me, who can't even remember to take a vitamin every day will now have to be responsible and take my meds.

I will be seeing Doctors on a much more regular schedule. I made it 50 years without having to see them very often at all, guess I will be paying for that now.

I have much more to learn about this disease, but plan to do it one day at a time. That's pretty much all I can do other than pray. And I plan to do that quite a bit as well. If you are reading this, I hope you will pray with me and for me. Not ashamed to ask. You can never have too many prayers or people praying for you.

Life after 50 is taking me down a road I would rather not travel, but down it I must go....